Coming Undone
by darisu-chan
Summary: Spoilers for Tokyo Ghoul: Re chapters 7, 9 and 10. Haise meets a cute girl in a coffee shop. "He felt like he belonged with her, safe and protected with her. Kirishima-san made him feel at home." Touken/Tousaki.
1. Coming Undone

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Tokyo Ghoul nor the image, they belong to Ishida Sui.

**Author's Note: **Hey there! Have you guys read already the new Tokyo Ghoul:Re chapter? Well, I have and I got so excited I ended up writing this little one-shot, when I should be writing an essay and finishing the next chapter of "He Didn't". I can't wait for Touka and Haise to meet! Anyways, I hope you like this one-shot, though if I'm honest the Touken is kinda implicit, plus there may be some grammatical errors. Until next time!

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Coming Undone

When she heard the news from Nishiki's lips, she remained calm. Touka only blinked twice, asked Nishiki if he was okay, and then proceeded to give him some meat she had saved in her fridge for times like this. She knew that Nishiki's eyes had never left her since _that_ name came out of his lips, wondering when she was going to snap. But she remained calm. Just as calm as the day when she heard Hinami had joined Aogiri Tree, as calm as that day she had run into Tsukiyama and she had pretended not to know him, and as calm as when the anniversary of the raid of Anteiku came every year, and she acted as if she didn't know what day it was.

Nishiki ate silently while she drank her coffee. It tasted bitter, just like life. The young man internally sighed at Touka's actions. He knew that over the years the girl had grown numb. Numbness was her strength, or otherwise she would break into tiny pieces and no one would be able to put her back together, not Ayato, or Yomo, or Hinami, or Nishiki, not even _him_. So, he didn't talk, just observed. Touka might think she was doing a good job at remaining calm, but her fingers were moving underneath the table, she was biting her bottom lip, and would continuously look over where her cell phone was. She wasn't fooling him, but he decided he'd also pretend not to notice, and give her that at least.

After he ate, Nishiki went away towards his own hideout, leaving Touka alone with her thoughts.

Once alone, Kirishima Touka broke down. It wasn't a pretty sight, to be honest, but it was something she had to do. At first she simply cried quietly, burying her face on her knees. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood, trying to prevent a sob from coming out of her mouth. Then she started sobbing in a way she hadn't done before. It was like a damp had been broken and the water wouldn't stop flowing. Next, the laughter came. She laughed hysterically while she continued crying.

_He's alive, he's alive, HE'S alive, alivealivealiveALIVE._

However, that small happiness she felt was reduced to nothing when she remembered something Nishiki had told her.

"_Something's wrong with him. He said my name but then looked as if he hadn't meant to. He looked shocked, and then started moaning and screaming as if he were in pain while holding his head. Maybe he has amnesia, and that's why he hasn't come home."_

"That fucking IDIOT!"

Touka screamed in rage. She got up, took her cup of coffee and threw it against the wall, breaking it into a million pieces. Then, she went towards her room, opened her closet, and took the box where she had put the Takatsuki Sen collection, _his_ book collection. She started picking one book after another and throwing them everywhere, tearing off the pages, and stomping on them while she kept on screaming.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

_Why did you have to change?_

_Why did you have to fight that day?_

_Why didn't you come home?_

_Why did you lose your memories?_

_I hate you so much! __I hate… I h… I lo…_

Then, the screaming stopped but the tears kept on falling down her face. She collapsed on the floor and held herself, feeling helpless and hopeless, like the night she had fought against Ayato and had lost. Yet, at that time _he_ had come to her rescue, and held her so tight that for the first time ever she felt at home. He had also promised her something he hadn't kept.

"Idiot Kaneki, you said you wouldn't leave me alone, but you did. And now you don't even remember me, you bastard. You might not even be Kaneki anymore..."

After crying for a few hours, Touka got up and wiped away her own tears. She started cleaning her bedroom, and then the pieces of her cup that were scattered across her kitchen floor. While she cleaned, her own words resounded against her ears.

"_I have faith in him. I know that he will return to Anteiku."_

Where had her faith in him gone? She had been so sure he'd come back, and then she simply stopped believing in him, why? Why did she give up on Kaneki when he had never given up on her?

"_You're so weak, baka aneki."_

Yes, Ayato had been right. Touka was weak. To keep herself together she had given up hope and tried to forget everything that hurt her, including _him_. She was living a lie, where nothing pained her. And now, more than ever, she had to be strong, stronger than ever before, for herself, Nishiki, Hinami, Ayato, and for Kaneki Ken, who probably needed her, _them_, now more than ever. If what Nishiki thought was true, then Kaneki was or would be confused, and would need their unconditional support, and she'd give him that.

Touka decided that it was time she stopped hiding herself and went back to action. She'd find him and bring him back home with her. If he had forgotten about her, she'd just refresh his memory with a good beating. She would show him she would always be there for him.

"_Trash like you should stay out of Anteiku."_

And those definitely wouldn't be the last words she'd ever say to him.

Picking up her cell phone, she gently caressed the little bunny that still hung from it, and then made an important call.

"Yomo-san, we need to talk. It's important."

_Just you wait Kaneki, we will help you. You'll finally come home._


	2. Picking Up the Pieces

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Tokyo Ghoul nor the image, they belong to Ishida Sui.

**Author's Note: **Since many people wanted me to continue this fanfiction, I decided to write a follow-up chapter in which Touka finally met Haise. I hope you like this chapter, and sorry if Touka seems kinda OOC, I don't know how much she has changed since Tokyo Ghoul ended up until now, but I did my best. This chapter is in Touka's POV, and soon I'll post another one in Haise's POV. I hope you enjoy it! See ya!

P.S. I corrected some grammatical erros in the last chapter.

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**Reviews:**

**Guest:** Thanks fo the review! I really hope you enjoy this follow up, and the Touka/Sasaki in it :)

** Bomberman4242:** I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing! I'm still expecting for Touka to appear next. I honestly hope she's in fact in contact with Nishiki and she finds out about Kaneki. We'll have to wait.

**kenkakku-chan:** *updates*

* * *

Picking Up the Pieces

In all honesty, Touka never expected to find Kaneki so soon, and at such a random time. It had been perhaps a week and a half since Nishiki had told her about Kaneki, and a few days since Yomo and she had started investigating about the CCG. Being involved in these situations after so long had been exhausting for Touka, even more with the fact that she was emotionally drained, so she decided to take a break.

That day had started uneventful. She had woken up, dressed, eaten, and then she had proceeded to go out. Touka hadn't been outside in a while, she seldom did nowadays, only on special occasions or when she felt tired. _That_ day was one of those days. After walking aimlessly around the city, she finally settled in a small café downtown. It was far enough from her hideout, and cozy enough for her to be comfortable in it. It kind of reminded her of Anteiku, though the coffee in Anteiku had been much better. She ordered her coffee and sighed in contentment. True, it was not Anteiku –would never come close− but here at least she could enjoy herself without having to smile to all of the costumers.

As she drank her coffee and read –who would have thought?− one of Takatsuki Sen's books, the door opened and new costumers arrived. The first thing Touka noticed was that they were both Doves, and of course she started panicking. They sat down in a table close to hers, and it was when the man turned that Touka's heart skipped a beat.

He was taller than she remembered, and the top of his head was back to black now, while the tips remained white. He was laughing at something his companion –a woman, Touka noticed− had said. God, he had the same laughter! She gaped at him until he turned around, no doubt because he had felt her eyes on him, and then the world stopped. He had the same eyes, that seemed to recognize her for a while, which gave her hope that he actually remembered her! Then something flickered in his eyes, and he looked at her in confusion before smiling at her like a dork, the same way he always did.

It had been too much for Touka, but she had to pretend. She turned away from him, and resumed reading her book and drinking her coffee.

"Haise, is there something wrong?" She heard the woman ask him. _So he goes by Haise now, huh?_

"Yeah, it's nothing. Let's order some coffee!"

Touka tuned them out as her mind raced. She had finally found him, but now she didn't know what to do. She couldn't possibly walk to his table and say: _Shitty Kaneki, it's me, Touka. Let's get out of here. _Much less knowing he was a Dove now, and he was being accompanied by another Dove. _He's so close and yet so far_. Knowing that she couldn't make her move now, she finished her coffee, paid for it, and got out of the establishment, feeling all the time his eyes following her around.

* * *

She hadn't planned on returning to the café the next day, and yet she had. The day before she was so shocked, happy, and edgy that she hadn't been able to formulate a plan, or call Yomo and Nishiki. She was sure she couldn't have been able to make a coherent sentence the day before, such was her excitement. However, she had woken up with the feeling that she should go back, and so she had entered the café at the same time that she had gone yesterday. And lo and behold, he was already there, this time by himself, watching her as she came in.

She sat in a table closer to his, and called a waitress to order some coffee. To her surprise, the waitress put a cup of coffee on her table.

"But I haven't ordered yet." Touka said, confused at the girl's actions.

"The man over there ordered some coffee for you." The waitress said, pointing towards Kaneki, who smiled at Touka when she looked at him.

The waitress left, and Touka took a sip. _It's black, how did he know that's my favorite coffee?_ As she pondered this, Kaneki, coffee in hand, walked towards her and sat in front of her.

"Hi." He greeted her, with that dorky smile of his.

"Hi." She awkwardly said, a part of her, the more rational side, couldn't believe this was truly happening.

"So, I saw you looking at me yesterday." He started saying playfully, in a way Kaneki had never done before. _Guess some things have changed after all._

"Yeah, sorry about that, I confused you with someone else." She answered quickly, trying to hide her blush.

"I get that a lot." He said, with a small grin on his face. He certainly had seen her blushing.

Touka blinked at him, not sure if she should say something or not. Before she hadn't had a problem talking with Kaneki. _But this is not Kaneki, not entirely_. Her mind whispered, and she knew it was true. The Kaneki Ken she knew would have never had the balls to talk to a mysterious woman in a café, and certainly not _after_ that experience he had. _He really doesn't remember a thing._

"Ammm, I saw you reading a Takatsuki Sen Book yesterday, was it _Monochrome Rainbow_?" He asked her, as excited as a child.

"Yeah. You like Takatsuki Sen?"

"Yup, though lately I feel that I have read her books many times, so I don't enjoy her as much."

"I don't like her too much. I fail to understand all the metaphors. I really suck at literature." Touka said, hoping that that bit of information would refresh his memories. _Come on, Kaneki, remember!_

"I know what you mean, she's very deep, but somehow I've always been good at metaphors." He said, still smiling.

_Damnit! He doesn't remember!_

He suddenly looked at her in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I just sat down here and started talking without introducing myself." He said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I'm Sasaki Haise." He extended his hand to her.

"I'm Kirishima Touka." She took his hand and shook it, looking intently at him.

"Touka, _Touka-chan_…" He whispered suddenly, his face crunched in concentration. Touka's eyes lit up. _Please, remember me_.

"Ah, sorry Kirishima-san, I got distracted. Erm, did you like the coffee?" Sasaki changed the conversation, blushing a little bit, probably in embarrassment.

_So much for hoping_. "Yeah, it was good. How did you know I like my coffee black?"

"Partly intuition, and partly because I like my coffee black as well." He answered, grinning like an idiot.

"Hm, interesting. Guess we have more in common than Takatsuki Sen." Touka said, and Sasa… _Kaneki _gave her the biggest smile she had ever seen on his face.

* * *

Somehow, Touka and Kan… _Sasaki_, started going out quite often. First, they kept meeting every day for one week at the café, but after exchanging phone numbers, they went out every weekend or so, and constantly texted each other. They couldn't meet so often for Sasaki had work to do after all, and Touka was technically in hiding –though her excuse was that she attended college online, and needed to work on her projects.

Touka soon discovered how much Kaneki had changed now that he was Sasaki Haise. Firstly, he made the silliest puns ever, and she had to wonder when had that habit started. He was also more confident in himself, but as Touka came to realize, he just acted confident. His hair was turning black again, and his nails were no longer black. He also was very flirty with her, not that she minded much, though it was annoying how much he made her blush. He was also the same in some aspects, he was still a dork, he touched his face when he lied, he was kind and sweet, his temper was well hidden, he tried to protect people, and he was afraid of being alone. It was as if she knew him, but at the same time didn't.

Overall, she still hadn't succeeded in making him remember. She mentioned certain things, details only Kaneki would know, to make him remember, but she hadn't been successful so far. Sometimes it seemed he actually remembered, she could see the recognition in his eyes, however he seemed to push his memories back, and act as if nothing had happened. If Touka was being honest with herself, a part of her didn't want Kaneki to remember, for there was only pain in his memories. It was better for him if he remained as Sasaki Haise all of his life. Another part argued that his life was only a lie, and that he deserved to know the truth, as painful as it was, because some memories were sweet and precious to him. The most selfish side of her didn't want him to remember the last words she had said to him. Touka wanted to cherish Sasaki without ever hurting him, no matter how dangerous her situation as a ghoul was.

Yomo and Nishiki remained unknowing of the fact she had found him.

* * *

As the months went by, Touka soon discovered that she was in a dangerous situation. Not because Sasaki had found out she was a ghoul −he didn't know, or perhaps he did but hadn't said anything− that was not the issue, the problem were her own feelings.

A part of Touka had always known she had feelings for Kaneki, though at the time she hadn't wanted to label them. She cared about him, and that was what mattered. As time went by, and she grew up, she realized she loved Kaneki, but by then it was too late to do something about it, for Kaneki had been long gone. So she tried to bury her feelings deep inside of her, until she met him again, that is.

She was older now, 20, and she knew what was going on between her and Sasaki, yet it was so different from what she had expected. She knew that the moment she met Kaneki again, her feelings for him would resurface, but she hadn't been expecting for it to happen so strongly this time. Touka now had to wonder if it was possible to fall in love with the same person twice. She loved Kaneki, she always would, but she loved Sasaki too. She loved him, _both_ sides of him, wholeheartedly. But what was she going to do now? Loving Sasaki came with a price: not only telling him her real identity, but also _his_ real identity, and hoping he wouldn't hate her for withholding that information from him.

So, one day she decided she would tell him everything. She invited him over to her apartment for the first time, with the excuse she had bought a new brand of coffee and wanted him to try it out. Sasaki had accepted almost immediately, telling her he would be there in an hour at most. True to his words, he arrived at her house an hour later, wearing tight jeans and a black shirt, holding in his arms a bouquet of flowers.

"Roses for a rose." He said as he gave her the bouquet, making Touka snort. He was such a dork.

"They're lovely. Thank you." She said, biting back a sarcastic remark about his cheesiness. She was supposed to tell him her feelings, not insult him.

"Not as lovely as you." He said huskily, and took her by the waist. Touka was surprised by such a bold action, and wanted to chicken out, but knew this was the perfect time to confess.

"I…" If only she could become articulated again.

Sasaki smiled at her and caressed her cheek with tenderness. Touka blushed and felt her knees get weak. She also dropped the bouquet, but Sasaki didn't seem to mind. She had dreamed about doing things like this with Kaneki for the longest time, and now it was finally happening. She gulped, and bracing herself, she put her hands on his chest.

"Sasaki, I…"

"Yes?" He whispered in her ear.

"I think I'm…"

He looked at her expectantly, with a look of pure love on his face. _This is it._

"I love you." There she had said it, she had finally said it.

Sasaki smiled widely, and brought his face close to hers until their lips were almost touching. "I love you too." And then he kissed her.

There were no fireworks, but they might as well have been. For a brief moment, Touka lost all sense of time and felt a sense of belonging she hadn't felt since her parents died. She closed her eyes and put her arms around Sasaki's neck to bring him closer, moaning in delight when he licked her lips. However, the moment was soon gone.

In an instant Sasaki pulled away from her and fell down the floor with a cry of pain. Touka immediately opened her eyes and found him on the floor clutching his head. Shocked, she dropped next to him and tried to look at his face.

"What is the matter? Where does it hurt?" She asked him frantically, but he only moaned in pain.

Soon, Sasaki started crying, and Touka could only hold him close, wishing that his pain would just go away. She rocked them back and forth, whispering in his ear, _It's okay. I'm here. It's all gonna be alright._ Then, the crying stopped and he turned to look at her as if he knew her, as if he had known her for a long time before they met in that coffee shop so many months ago. Those weren't the eyes of Sasaki Haise. His kakugan was also shining brightly.

"Tou…ka…chan…" He whispered, gazing at her intently.

Now was Touka's turn to cry. She tore up, and hugged the man. "Welcome back, Kaneki. You're home, you're finally home."

Kaneki hugged her back and cried in her hair. "I'm home Touka-chan."


	3. Home

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Tokyo Ghoul nor the image, they belong to Ishida Sui.

**Author's Note: **Hey there! It took me a while, but here it is, as promised, a chapter from Haise's perspective! Now, since chapter 9 and 10 are out, this fanfiction has officially become AU, but I hope you will still enjoy it :) I made it extra long to cover most things I wanted. I also hope Haise's not too OOC, but if he is, I apologize beforehand. With this chapter, or actually a one-shot, I finish this _Coming Undone_ series, but never fear! I'll write more Touken in the future, including updates in my other fic _He Didn't_. I'll probably wait a little bit until I write more :Re related stuff.

Again, I hope you liked these three-shots, and thanks to everyone who reviewed, followed and put this fanfiction in their favorites, you don't know how much they mean to me!

Until next time!

P.S. There are spoilers for chapters 9 and 10 of :Re, mainly Touka's new look and a certain phrase Haise said that killed all of us Touken shippers.

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**Reviews:**

**dr:** Thanks you!

**Ary:** Sorry it took too long, but I'm finally updating! I hope you enjoy this final chapter as you liked the other two. Thank you so much for your review! :)

**Guest:** Thank you!

**akizaki14:** Thank you! Well, now that they finally met each other, I think Kaneki might finally recover his memories, and hopefully get together with Touka. We can only hope!

**kenkakku-chan:** Thank you! I'm glad you do!

**rrblover:** Thank you! I hope you like this final chapter too!

**arazawa:** Thank you! Well, I've seen it as Tousaki haha.

* * *

Home

Akira had invited him over for coffee at a local café near his apartment. Haise figured this was her attempt at cheering him up, and for that he was grateful. The last week and a half after the events with Serpent had been hard for him, and he had been feeling under-the-weather ever since. The voice inside his head had become very insistent lately as well, as if he knew he was weak right now. Managing his squad had been also rather difficult, especially since Urie was being more rebellious and insulting than before. Haise would never say it to anyone, but hearing Urie's contempt in his voice when he had referred to him as a _ghoul_ had really hurt him. Haise certainly needed the distraction Akira had conveniently provided him.

The café was not fancy, but it was very cozy. Few people actually came in on a regular basis, so, as Akira had put it, Haise could feel comfortable there. The first thing he noticed when he entered was that it was in fact pretty much empty, except for an old couple, some teens possibly having a study date, and a girl sitting by herself, reading a book. Akira started walking and chose to sit in the table nearby the lonely girl, but he remained standing, observing the establishment with some sort of fascination. He felt nostalgic for some reason.

"Come on, Haise! Stop spacing out and sit down already!" Akira scolded him as if Haise were a kid. _She certainly acts like my mother_.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just looking around." He said, scratching the back of his head.

"You act like a kid sometimes." She remarked, sighing in exasperation.

"Well, if I misbehave you could always _spank_ me." Haise said, wiggling his right eyebrow suggestively.

Akira turned to him with a blank expression and said, "Maybe I _will_."

Haise was shocked at her answer, since she looked so serious, and then she snorted. "Gotcha." She whispered to a baffled Haise. Haise blinked twice, and then started laughing along with Akira. "You seriously got me this time…"

His train of thought was interrupted, however, when he sensed someone looking at him. Turning around he found the lonely girl from before staring at him, and his whole world suddenly stopped. She was breathtakingly beautiful, that was the only way to describe her. She had short hair, her bangs covering her right eye, and the eye he could see was dove like, and there was something in it that shook him to his core. She looked extremely _familiar_. **_Let me in, Haise. Let me see her!_** The voice inside himself screamed at him, but he ignored it. _Shut up! _He shook his head, and noticing the girl was still looking at him, she smiled at her. To his disappointment, the girl turned away from him, and continued reading a Tatsuki Sen book, he noticed.

"Haise, is there something wrong?" Akira asked him, interrupting his musings. She was looking at him with an amused expression.

"Yeah, it's nothing. Let's order some coffee!" He exclaimed, taking the menu and ignoring both Akira and the girl.

Akira didn't say anything and they both ordered their stuff. After some time, Haise heard the girl getting up, so he turned to look at her, his eyes following her until she left the coffee shop. Then, he heard a chuckled coming from Akira.

"What?" He asked her, completely dumbfounded.

"Who would have thought you'd develop a crush on a random girl in a coffee shop." Akira said, amusement lacing her voice.

"What?!" Haise exclaimed, his cheeks turning red. "I did _not_!"

"Yeah right." Akira snorted and rolled her eyes.

"I'm being _Sasarious_!" Haise said, slipping a pun for good measure, which made Akira roll her eyes again-

"Then why were you staring so intently at her?" Akira asked him.

"She just seemed familiar, I guess…" Haise trailed off, his eyes clouding while the voice inside his head continued screaming. **_Let me see HER!_**

"Well, it's not like you're seeing her again, so let's change topics." Akira said and started talking to him about the new case they had been assigned, however Haise's mind was elsewhere, still thinking about the mysterious girl in the café.

_Maybe I will see her again someday…_

* * *

Haise decided to return to the café the next day. That pretty girl from the coffee shop remained in his head all day. He had a feeling that he needed to see her again for some reason, totally not because the voice in his head kept saying he had to see her. His intuition perhaps also insisted she was going to be there at the café waiting for him, and so the next day he arrived earlier than the day before hoping to catch at least a glimpse of her. He sat down in a table and waited for a while, until he saw her entering the coffee shop. To his delight, this mystery girl sat down in a table near his. Not missing a second, he gestured to the waitress to give the girl the coffee he had ordered for her. _I hope she likes black coffee_.

Haise saw her surprise when the waitress put a cup of coffee on her table. _I hope she doesn't think I'm a creep._

"But I haven't ordered yet." The girl said, confused at the waitress's actions.

"The man over there ordered some coffee for you." The waitress said, pointing towards Haise, who smiled at the girl when she looked at him.

Once the waitress left, he took the opportunity of sitting in front the girl, taking his coffee with him. The girl looked at him with a dumbfounded expression and he couldn't help but smile.

"Hi." He greeted her, hoping he was not frightening her.

"Hi." She said somewhat awkwardly, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. _Yep, she's definitely crept out._

"So, I saw you looking at me yesterday." He started saying in what he thought was a casual and flirty way, instead of sounding like a pervert. _Please don't run away._

"Yeah, sorry about that, I confused you with someone else." She answered rather quickly, while blushing at his words. _She looks so cute._ He internally squealed.

"I get that a lot." He grinned at her, trying his best to remain casual.

His mystery girl blinked at him and remained quiet. Haise wasn't sure if she was trying to think about what else to say to keep the conversation going, or if she was mentally planning how to escape from him. He certainly hoped it was the former instead of the latter. After some time had passed, he decided to break the ice with a topic that could interest her, and keep her from running away.

"Ammm, I saw you reading a Takatsuki Sen Book yesterday, was it _Monochrome Rainbow_?" He asked her, getting excited when she turned to look at him with a look that clearly said she was interested.

"Yeah. You like Takatsuki Sen?" She asked warily, almost like she was measuring him up.

"Yup, though lately I feel that I have read her books many times, so I don't enjoy her as much." Haise said, deciding to be honest while hoping his answer wouldn't anger her.

To his surprise, she didn't seem offended in the least, and said, "I don't like her too much. I fail to understand all the metaphors. I really suck at literature."

He smiled at her, answering, "I know what you mean, she's very deep, but somehow I've always been good at metaphors." _I wouldn't mind explaining them to you someday_, he added in his head.

When she remained silent, Haise realized something: he hadn't introduced himself yet! That was unacceptable! She probably really thought he was creepy and was only humoring him until the police arrived! Trying to remain calm, though still very much embarrassed, he apologized to her, "I'm sorry, I just sat down here and started talking without introducing myself." He said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I'm Sasaki Haise." He extended his hand to her, praying she would accept it.

"I'm Kirishima Touka." She answered, taking his hand and shaking it, while looking intently at him.

_What a beautiful name! _He thought, and then decided to taste the sound of her name, "Touka…" He whispered, and then a thought hit him. He barely saw the silhouette of a girl and heard his voice saying _Touka-chan_. Unknowingly to him, he had whispered that second bit. Getting off of his reverie he saw Kirishima-san looking at him with a weird expression. _Great, now she really thinks I'm a weirdo._ Blushing, he apologized once again and decided to change the topic before he could embarrass himself further. "Ah, sorry Kirishima-san, I got distracted. Erm, did you like the coffee?"

"Yeah, it was good. How did you know I like my coffee black?" She asked him, without sounding disgusted or offended, just plain curious. Haise was relieved for that.

"Partly intuition, and partly because I like my coffee black as well." He answered truthfully, smiling when he noticed how Kirishima-san's lit up at his answer.

"Hm, interesting. Guess we have more in common than Takatsuki Sen." Kirishima-san said, and Haise hoped this was the start of something new.

* * *

It _was_ the start of something new. That day they decided to meet again the following day at the same place, same hour. The next day, when he arrived, he found her already sitting in the same table than before with two cups near her. He grinned from ear to ear when he saw her amused expression. They greeted each other and started talking as if they had known each other for years. After a while, she remained silent and then asked him a question.

"Do you like the coffee here?"

He was surprised at her question, but nevertheless smiled and answered truthfully. "Yeah, though I have the feeling that I have tasted better coffee before, but don't ask me where, I don't remember…"

She smiled at him in a way that could only be described as sad. "I'm sure you'll remember eventually."

Haise then saw it, the sadness in her eyes and smile, that troubled look on her face… Kirishima-san must be the type of person that cared too much for others. _To think someone as beautiful as her exists_. He thought to himself, blushing immediately at the type of thoughts he was having.

"Yeah, I think so too. What about you, Kirishima-san? Do you like the coffee here?"

She then looked at him mysteriously and said in a tone of voice he couldn't quiet define, "Like you, I've tasted better coffee elsewhere, Sasaki… Perhaps one day I'll take you there."

"I'd be honored if you did."

* * *

They kept meeting every day for the rest of the week at the café. It was a safe environment, and Haise wanted Kirishima-san to not feel pressured to meet him in some other place. However, he had to go back to work, those ghouls weren't going to find themselves, and besides Kirishima-san was probably busy as well with college. Bracing himself on Sunday he asked her for her phone number, and to his never ending surprise, she gave it to him, and even asked for his own number. He was excited and quickly wrote down her number and gave her his too. She took out her cell phone from her purse, and Haise noticed the cute bunny that hung from her phone. _So she likes bunnies! _He made a mental note for that. From then on they texted nonstop, wishing each other good night and good morning, while also talking about how their days went.

One day he decided to finally ask her out on a date, and she said yes. He took her to see a movie, and they opted for a scary movie that looked like it was gory. Haise screamed and jumped during the whole movie while Kirishima-san watched him amused.

"That movie was very scary!" He said after it ended.

"Yeah, for a wuss like you!" Kirishima-san said playfully.

"What? I'm not a wuss! It was legitimately scary!" Haise defended himself, while Kirishima-san rolled her eyes.

"Sasaki, the blood looked _fake_."

"No, it _didn't_!"

"And the killer was obviously that kid next door."

"His mask was very convincing!"

"It was a crappy mask that didn't conceal his features, _at all_."

"Well, well, at least I didn't _squeal_ when the killer assaulted the girl from behind!"

"I did _not_ squeal!"

"Yes you did, and it was pretty cute!"

"Well, at least I didn't almost faint when the killer decapitated the girl!"

"You're so _mean_, Kirishima-san!"

After that, they laughed out loud and kept with the playful, sometimes even flirty, banter until they reached Kirishima-san's apartment. Bickering with Kirishima-san felt almost nostalgic, as if he had done so several times before. He enjoyed it all the same, and Kirishima-san seemed to enjoy it as well.

Soon, they started going out to other places, such as the arcade, the mall or the park. Haise wasn't sure if he could call their outings 'dates', but he hoped that Kirishima-san started looking at him as a potential love interest.

Neither Haise nor Kirishima-san realized they never ate anything save for coffee during their dates.

* * *

Akira and his squad soon started pestering about _his_ girl. Haise blushed every time they referred to Kirishima-san with such epithet, but eventually decided he liked the sound of that. It was curious, really, he had known Kirishima-san for such a short amount of time, and she already was important to him, more important than anyone else. Haise wasn't sure if this was love –he had never been in love after all, not that he remembered− and yet he couldn't explain these new feelings with any other word. He once tried to ask Akira, but he had barely say one sentence, when Akira chuckled, shook her head and said,

"You're a goner."

He then asked Arima, but his father figure came to the same conclusion as Akira. Sasaki Haise was helplessly in love with fiery, stubborn, smart, incredible, beautiful Kirishima Touka, and there was no turning back. Not that he minded, anyway.

His only problem was that Kirishima-san might not feel the same way. He knew, even if she had never said so, that once she had been in love with another guy. He had found out about him when Kirishima-san had lent him a book. She had brought him a small box with about five books, two of Takatsuki Sen, another book about martial arts, and the other two were classic literature books. He noticed that the Takatsuki Sen books were slightly torn, while the others were stained with what Haise guessed were tears. He opened one of them and saw the name _Kaneki Ken_ written on one of the pages.

"What's that?" Haise asked, observing the name that seemed to mock him.

"Damn, I'd forgotten about that…" He heard her muttering but said nothing. "Amm, that's the name of the owner…" Kirishima-san said in a nonchalant way that Haise could tell she was faking, for he had seen her gulp before answering.

"I'm guessing these are not yours…" He muttered while Kirishima-san shifted awkwardly next to him.

"No, they are, ah, from an old friend…"

"Oh… does your friend not want them back?"

"He's gone." She said with such finality she scared him.

"Gone?" He asked, startled by the turn of the conversation.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him in a while, well, more like in three years. He disappeared one day and hasn't come back." She explained with a faraway look in her face.

"Was he important to you?" He asked, dreading her answer.

"Yes." She instantly answered, and just by looking at her he could tell she loved that man.

Since then, there had been other instances in which they had talked about him, and every single time he reaffirmed his conviction that Kirishima-san loved the guy. However, even if the ghost of this Kaneki Ken person still haunted Kirishima-san, Haise somehow knew that Kirishima-san might have feelings for him as well. Call it intuition, but he was sure that she cared about him. He could see it in the way her eyes lit up when they were together, in how her cheeks turned red when he flirted with her, in her good morning texts, in just the way she acted when they were together.

And God did he love her! Haise loved everything about her, including her many flaws. He wouldn't change a thing about her, not even a single hair. He had never felt as safe and content as with Kirishima-san. It was as if she understood him perfectly, though she didn't know he was a ghoul. His squad, Akira, or even his father Arima, couldn't understand him, and the way they sometimes looked at him, as if he were a _monster_, made him feel like an outsider, like he didn't belong with them. That never happened with Kirishima-san, she never looked at him with fear or repulsion, but with something warm that could only be love.

**_She understands us much better than you think, Haise._**

The voice inside his head would continuously say every time he met Kirishima-san. He felt like he belonged with her, safe and protected with her. Kirishima-san made him feel at home, a feeling he had never had before (or had he?). He couldn't wait to be with her again.

* * *

Just as he thought he might explode with all the feelings he had buried inside of him, Kirishima-san invited him over to her apartment. It was the first time she had asked him to come to the safe haven that was her apartment. Though the excuse was she wanted him to taste a new brand of coffee she had recently purchased, Haise knew it was more important than that, he could hear in her voice when she had asked him to come. He promised her he would arrive in an hour at most, and he hung up. As quickly as possible he showered, got dressed, grabbed his wallet and dashed out of his apartment, ignoring his squad.

"Where are ya going, Sassan?"

Once outside, he went to the nearest flower shop and bought a bouquet of red roses, and then he took a taxi to her apartment. During the whole ride he wondered if today Kirishima-san might tell him she had feelings for him, or would she break up with him? It wouldn't really be a break up for they weren't dating, but the idea of not seeing her again was devastating for him. He hoped that she wanted to confess, or if not, he would confess any way.

When he arrived to her apartment, Kirishima-san immediately opened her door, revealing the woman in question who happened to dress a little bit more girly than usual, with a gray skirt and a pink and white blouse. _Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous._ He thought. Kirishima-san was such a sight to see.

"Roses for a rose." Haise said as he gave her the bouquet.

He heard her snort, and was preparing himself for a sarcastic remark when she said, "They're lovely. Thank you." In that moment he felt that if he died, he'd die happy.

Daring himself to be bold, and also trying to test the waters, he grabbed her waist, bringing her closer to him, and whispered huskily, "Not as lovely as you."

"I…" Kirishima-san said, looking nervous and out of breath. Haise loved seeing her like this.

He smiled at her and caressed her cheek with tenderness. He loved her, and by God he was going to show her how much he loved her. Haise watched with happiness as Kirishima-san blushed, he also noticed, much to his amusement, that in the heat of the moment she had dropped the bouquet, but he didn't mind, because this showed how much of an effect he had on her.

"Sasaki, I…" Kirishima-san said as she put her hands on his chest. He could feel her trembling, possibly in excitement.

"Yes?" He whispered in her ear, bringing her even closer to him.

"I think I'm…"

He looked at her expectantly, waiting for those words he wished to hear come out of her lovely mouth. Haise knew what she was going to say next, and he could put her out of her misery and say those words first, but he also knew this was something she wanted to do and say first.

"I love you." She suddenly said, and Haise thought he had never felt happier before.

He noticed the hesitant look in her face, and decided to make her as happy as she had made him. Smiling widely, he brought his face close to hers until their lips were almost touching. "I love you too." And then he closed the distance between them, kissing her.

Kissing Kirishima-san felt like nothing he had ever experienced before. It was a brand new feeling. He smiled into the kiss when he felt Kirishima-san putting her arms around his neck. He wanted more from her, he wanted to feel more, and so he licked her lips, hoping she granted him entrance to her lovely mouth. However, the moment soon ended when his head started hurting. He pulled away from her and fell down, crying in pain. The throbbing in his head was very painful, and the voice inside his head was too loud.

**_"Let me see Touka, you bastard! She's mine, mine, mineMINE!" _**The voice screamed.

_"No, she doesn't belong to anyone!"_

**_"You don't know the slightest thing about her, Haise. She didn't tell you anything because you're weak, Haise, WEAK!"_**

_"SHUT UP!"_

"What is the matter? Where does it hurt?" Haise half heard Kirishima-san asking for his wellbeing, but he wasn't sure because of the pain. He tried answering her, but he could only moan in pain.

**_"Let me show you Haise what she was too afraid to tell you. Let me show you what true pain feels like. Let me show you the real her, the real us."_**

Images in his head started popping. He saw a little black haired boy reading books. He saw the same boy eating what looked like hamburgers with a woman, who probably was his mother. The scene changed once again, and next Haise saw the little boy dressed in black, crying in front of a tombstone. His mother had died.

_What is this? Why does it hurt to see the boy so much?_

Haise kept seeing the little boy, now growing up. The boy had a friend, who was always smiling and making the boy laugh.

_Hide…_

The boy grew up before Haise's eyes until he looked remarkably like the face he saw every morning in the mirror. He saw the boy that looked like him having coffee with his friend, and then he saw a waitress coming to their table. The waitress looked familiar as well.

_Kirishima-san? A ghoul?_

Next, Haise saw the boy talking to a woman in the same coffee shop. The scene changed and the boy was in an alley with the woman, who happened to be a ghoul. Haise then felt pain where the woman had stabbed him with her kagune.

_Rize-san…_

More names and more scenes appeared before his eyes, making feel dizzy. The boy was now a ghoul, or at least a half ghoul, and his kakugan was in the same eye as his own.

_Anteiku… Yoshimura-san, Yomo-san, Enji-san, Kara-san, Hinami-chan…_

The face of serpent appeared before him, as his fight with Kirishima-san.

_Nishio-senpai…_

He saw the boy training with Kirishima-san, trying not to fight with that CCG investigator, wanting to protect Kirishima-san.

_Tsukiyama… Kimi-san…_

And then he saw the boy being kidnapped and then being tortured in that room that he often saw when he had nightmares. The boy's pain was his pain, and he started crying along him, counting the same numbers and begging for mercy. Somewhere, he could feel Kirishima-san holding him, and rocking them back and forth, while whispering comforting words, that did not diminished his pain.

Then, the boy physically changed, his hair turned white and his nails black. His aura also changed, he wasn't innocent now, he looked tormented. The boy turned to look at him and grinned.

**_"This is who we are Haise."_**

_"No, that's not _me_!"_ Haise screamed in his head, trying to get away from the white haired ghoul.

**_"Yes it is! This is who we are! You're not Sasaki Haise, and you know it!"_**

_"NO!"_

The ghoul smiled sadly at him. **_"At least some things don't change, like our feelings for Touka."_**

_"Kirishima-san?"_

He then saw all the moments he had shared with a younger Touka, the good and the bad. Training with her, working next to her, making coffee with her, being hit by Touka, being protected by Touka, protecting her, holding her, leaving her, giving her that bunny in her birthday, the last words they exchanged…

_"Trash like you should stay out of Anteiku."_

The pain was sharp again, he felt like his head was going to explode.

**_"You're wondering why we never returned to her, right? Even though we promised her we wouldn't leave her alone…"_**

_"What's going on?!"_

**_"Let me show you…"_**

He then saw himself fighting with many CCG investigators, until he saw himself fighting with his own father, Arima. The battle was awfully unfair, and Haise knew what was going to happen before it occurred. The white haired ghoul lost to Arima, and was left almost dead… but he didn't die.

_"What? No that's not…"_

**_"Remember Haise, remember that you're not Haise, remember who you really are…"_**

Then, the name Kaneki Ken, the one he had seen written on one of Touka's books appeared in front of him. The name of the man Touka loved… The man that he…

**_Remember…_**

The man that he _was_!

It all came crashing down to him, and next thing he knew he wasn't just _Sasaki Haise_ anymore, but _Kaneki Ken_, the half ghoul created by Dr. Kanou, the man that used to work in Anteiku… When he remembered everything, the pain stopped, and he could finally open his eyes. The first thing he saw was Touka's worried face.

"Tou…ka…chan…" He whispered, gazing at her intently, still unbelieving he was finally next to her.

Touka started crying, and held him close. "Welcome back, Kaneki. You're home, you're finally home." She said as she sobbed on his shoulder. Ken then understood she had always known who he actually was.

Ken hugged her back and cried in her hair. "I'm home Touka-chan. I'm not leaving again." Touka laughed and cried harder.

* * *

The two ghouls cried in the floor for hours, just holding each other and whispering sweet nothings into their ears. Once they stopped crying, Touka got up and helped Ken get up.

"Want to try that coffee?" She asked, and Ken couldn't help but smile.

After drinking their first cup of coffee, they decided to talk. "So, you always knew it was me, right?" Ken asked, looking hopefully at Touka.

Touka snorted, and gave him an amused smile. "Of course I knew, idiot. Who else do you think has the same stupid smile as you?"

Ken laughed and scratched his neck. "So that's why you didn't run away when I just sat down with you that day…"

"Yeah, if it had been another creep I would've beaten him up into a bloody pulp."

"I bet you would."

They laughed and continued drinking their coffee, not taking their eyes off each other. Eventually, Ken decided to break the silence again.

"So, if you always knew it was me… then you, you have always loved me, Touka-chan?"

Touka spat her drink and blushed furiously. Ken thought she was going to deny everything, when she spoke, "Yeah, I've always loved you Kaneki… I fell in love with you again as Sasaki, but that's still you…"

Ken blushed at her words. He smiled and took Touka's hands in his. "You love all of me? Even the crazy parts?"

Touka looked at him seriously before answering. "Yes, all of you."

"I love you too, Touka-chan, always have." They both blushed. "Man, I can't believe I was jealous of myself."

"What?" Touka asked dumbfounded.

"Well, while I was Sasaki I knew you loved this Kaneki, and I wanted you to love me as much as you loved him… Turns out it was myself all along." Ken said sheepishly.

"Idiot…" Touka snorted, and then her expression turned sad.

"What's wrong, Touka?"

"Can you forgive me, Kaneki? For calling you trash that day…" She said, looking down the floor, unable to meet his eyes.

"I forgave you the minute you said that to me…" Ken said truthfully, shocking Touka. "Can you forgive me for leaving you?" He then asked her, his expression full of guilt.

"That doesn't matter anymore. You're back and that's all that matters to me." Touka said, holding his hands in hers.

"Good, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Then they kissed, sealing their promise.

Ken and Touka didn't know what the future would bring them, but they knew that whatever happened, they would face it _together_, because finally, they were at home.

* * *

**Last A/N:** Actually I had originally planned to write a sex scene at the end, or the aftermath of sex, but I thought it was too much already and I'm bad at writing smut anyways. Well, maybe one day I'll write a mature scene for these dorks.


End file.
